Lover, press thy hand

Lover, press thy hand
that I may like liquid curl
in sharp sweet tendrils
oil under water’s caress
languishing in arabesque

———
My first version of this was kind of an extended Tanka:

Lover, press thy hand
that I may like liquid curl
in sharp sweet bubbles
and separated tendrils
of self meeting self,
oil under water’s caress
languishing in arabesque

I felt I needed to add a couple of lines to say what I wanted to, but I then I decided the extra was unnecessary. Which version do you like better?
I must say, I quite like ending with a rhyming couplet.

In other news, It’s the 1st of May, so goodbye Napowrimo 2013, and so long prompts I do not follow. I now find myself burdened with this blog, but I rather like it. I’ve been thinking of continuing, so I will do so with a promise: I will come here with a new poem, at least twice a week. Let’s say (tentatively) Wednesdays and Sundays, since they are the only days I never missed in the month of April.

That said, I have another to give to you before today ends.

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2 thoughts on “Lover, press thy hand

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